Katie: no no, I was thinking about that, too. I need to have quiet and privacy so that I can write my songs and play my guitar and feel better when I need to and I'm so scared i won't be able to do that next year
Katie: and I don't like to work on it when I know people are listening
Jess: yes.
Katie: I drove a bit before coming home and I saw all these people..flocks of people...walking around like it was the middle of the day or something and I feel like there's something that I'm missing out on, but I just don't want it
Jess: me neither. i just want to curl up in my room.
Katie: I'm happy the way I am, but I don't want people to feel they have to pity me because I don't go out
Jess: and you don't want people to think you're a loser.
Jess: but you don't care because you know you aren't a loser, only they don't know that.
Katie: exactly
Jess: and you can't tell them because they won't believe you because their concept of loser is so totally different than yours.
Katie: and you don't want them to think that you secretly want what they have
Jess: and you like your aloneness and everything, and you don't mind not going out.
Jess: only they can't understand that.
Jess: that's the majority of the world, who can't understand.
Katie: exactly
Katie: and I wonder if someday I'll regret it all...but I don't think so...I am who I am, you know?
Jess: yes.
Jess: and sometimes i get scared that I will, because I"m young and I'm supposed to be partying and living it up.
Katie: exactly!
Jess: but isn't hanging out in coffeehouses having these great discussions and loving each other and being smart and happy good enough too?
Jess: yes, it is.
Katie: I think I'm going to have this big midlife crisis!
Jess: but it's hard to accept that when the rest of society says that we have to be crazy and wild and all that.
Katie: yes, yes it is
Jess: at twenty years old :-)
Katie: hee hee :-)
Katie: I have this image of me at parties and having fun and being fun and everything, but I think the reality of it would be so much different
Katie: if it were a party with all the people I know and love, yeah, but parties aren't like that here...heh...they're all strangers and band people :-)
Jess: exactly.
Jess: and they're just people who aren't anything like us and can't understand. and my idea of fun isn't usually hanging out with people i don't know, being only mostly conscious, too warm, and tired.
Jess: i'd rather be reading. drinking coffee. watching movies.
Katie: exactly....I have no desire to be like them
Katie: I've always been/felt different, but not in the really outward way...like I never looked totally different, or dressed very differently, but I was always different and I think now, I understand it more
Jess: me neither. only sometimes, for posterity, I do. because there's a chaotic lifestyle that I feel goes with that. only it doesn't. the real chaotic style, the one I like, goes with random road trips and nights at Happy Endings and hanging with the girls and having these amazing times and being warm and fuzzy.
Katie: yes, hence the vinyl we both own :-)
Jess: yes :-)
Katie: I'm just so much more comfortable with how we live
Jess: me too.